


I Only Cry at Night but these Nights are Getting Longer

by Nix1515



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dark Stiles, Depressed Stiles, Derek is a Failwolf, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I couldn't help myself, Like really slow, M/M, Mates, Nogitsune Stiles, Other, Pack Feels, Possessed Stiles Stilinski, Scott is a Bad Friend, Slow Burn, So much angst, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Stiles is Pushed Out of the Pack, Stiles-centric, like you won't think they're a thing, oh the angst, until they are
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-04-09 22:41:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4366952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nix1515/pseuds/Nix1515
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Almost everyone in the world, apart from really rare cases, has a soul mark. These soul marks have a complimentary soul mark to match them. Of course, many marks have many different matches because everyone can have more than one soulmate. Stiles Stilinski has a moon as his mark. He has no idea what would go with a moon, but he hopes to find his soul mate one day.<br/>Almost everyone in his pack has their soulmate. Even his dad has rekindled love. And Stiles feels no longer needed or important. And as he grows more distant from the pack, he can feel the darkness in his mind growing. He's starting to lose himself and he can't tell what's real or imaginary anymore.<br/>After all, he still has to learn not to trust a fox.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 50% of the time

**Author's Note:**

> Alright alright alright. Let's get this show on the road. This story is currently un-beta'd but if anyone is interested, let me know.  
> I love Stiles-is-pushed-out-of-the-pack fics and I also love soulmark fic so, this is me making both of them into one story line along with a few other ideas that always pop into my head when I read these stories.

“Scott. Scott. SCOTT!” Scott finally paused in his long spiel about Allison. I love this boy like a brother but sometimes, he just doesn’t know how to shut his mouth. Don’t get me wrong, I love Allison and their relationship is perfect, even though it makes me want to barf sometimes, but it really gets annoying when he won’t stop talking about how perfect her smile is and how good her hair smells. “You were rambling again.”

“Sorry bro. I know I go on forever about her. It’s just that, she’s so great and funny and oh god, have you seen her dimples? Sometimes, it feels like she’s my whole world. I love her so ridiculously much that it hurts and-”

“Scott!” Scott at least had the courtesy to look ashamed as his eyes widened into big puppy eyes. I rolled my eyes fondly, if a bit exasperated, and shook my head lightly. 

“Sorry. Again.”

“It’s cool dude. I get it, you love her. I’m happy for you.” And I was. See, Scott and Allison were soul mates. They each had each other’s soulmarks. They were lucky in that they found each other so young. 

Almost everyone in the world, apart from really rare cases, has a soul mark. These soul marks have a complimentary soul mark to match them. For example, Allison has an arrow on her whereas Scott has an apple tree with a target on it. Of course, many marks have many different matches because everyone can have more than one soulmate.

Like my dad. He has a horse and my mom had a saddle on her. Once she died though, he was a wreck. Thought he’d never find anyone else. Of course, then there was Melissa McCall. She had a small foal and they managed to find true love again. I think it’s great, Melissa had always been like a second mom to me anyway. And despite all her reassurances that she wasn’t trying to take the spot of my real mom, I didn’t need them. I knew she wasn’t my real mom but I also knew she was a part of the family.

I for one, have a moon. I don’t know what would go with a moon. Maybe the stars or the ocean or something. Either way I haven’t found anyone that matched me yet. Sure for a while there, there was Lydia Martin. She had a mark of cheese. Yes, cheese. I was convinced that because of the story that the moon was made of cheese, she had to be my soulmate. However, once Lydia explained to me- many times- that the moon was not, in fact, made of cheese, I got over it. Especially once she met Jackson, whose soulmark is a rat. I think it very accurately describes who he is deep inside. Of course, then he always tells me to shut up, so who knows? He probably agrees with me.

“Well, you shouldn’t worry, Stiles. You’ll find the match to your moon someday. You might have already met them.” He says, full of hope. Sometimes, I wish I could be as optimistic as Scott.

“Oh yeah, sure. It’s probably Greenburg. I always felt a special connection with him. Especially when he picks his nose, it’s so attractive. Who knows? Maybe his mark is of the sun. We’d be the perfect match.” I said sarcastically, and Scott pushed me lightly. 

“I don’t know, I definitely think Peter’s in the running. Or better yet, Derek! Oh I could see that now. All the anger between you two is just repressed feelings and sexual frustration. Next thing you know, you two will be in love!” 

I felt my heart skip a beat at the mention of Derek. The entire idea is ridiculous. Yes, I always found him ridiculously attractive and he may have starred in more than one of my sexual fantasies at night, but actual soulmates? Ridiculous. Not to mention, I think he’d rather rip my throat out with his teeth- and no, I just shivered because it was cold, not because the thought of that aroused me in any way- than be with me. After all, I’m just Stiles.

“Yeah right. I doubt Derek has a mark. He’s too broody and growly to have a soulmate. He probably just has a soulmark of himself, his own perfect match.” I told Scott. A little harsh, yes, but I mostly just needed to clear my head of Derek actually being an option for me.

“Alright dude, I get it. You can’t stand him. It was funny to watch you squirm though.” Scott told me. I just gave him my evil eye, which apparently isn’t that evil seeing as Scott just laughed and stood up from where he was sitting on my bed. “C’mon Stiles. We’ve got to get a move on if we don’t want to be late to the pack meeting.”

I sighed as I slid on my shoes. Seriously, we haven’t had to face anything since Jackson stopped going all crazy kanima and finally turned into a werewolf. There was no point to meeting every Friday night when I could be out having a life. Alright, not really. But I wouldn’t mind staying in my room reading comics than dealing with these meetings. 

I was always just disregarded as the useless human of the pack anyway. It hurt sometimes but I don’t really let that stuff get to me. Most of the time. 95% of the time. Okay, 70% of the time. Alright, I’m fine at least 50% of the time.

The ride to Derek’s apartment takes about thirty minutes. Way faster than driving to the old Hale house and much more convenient if you ask me- not that anyone did. When we got there, Scott and I climbed out of the jeep and headed up. When we walked in, everyone was already there.

Derek, Isaac, Erica and Boyd were on one side of the room while Allison, Lydia and Jackson sat on the other. Despite Derek and Scott ‘uniting’ the packs, we were still pretty separate. Sure, Allison talked to Isaac sometimes and I knew Erica and Lydia loved to gossip about the pack together, and Jackson and Boyd had some weird friendship thing going on and even Scott and Derek talked to each other… actually, I think I’m the only one who’s still separated from everyone.

I shook off the depressing thoughts and plopped down next to Scott, who already had his arm around Allison. But what’s new? Everyone was quietly talking to each other except me and I felt awkward and unnecessary.

“So guys, what’s going on in the world this week? What’s shaking? Any new enemies that need to be defeated?” Everybody rolls their eyes and I think it must be a new record for me.

“No Stiles, nothing new. It’s just safest to check in a make sure the pack still works well.” Derek says. ‘The pack still works well?” What the hell does that mean? Make sure none of us are trying to usurp him? Make sure there’s no petty drama?

“Oh alright cool.” I muttered. I mean really, what else was I supposed to say?

“Don’t worry Stiles, if you don’t want to stay, no one is making you.” Jackson told me while smirking. What a dick.

“Shut up Jackson.” Scott told Jackson. At least Scott stood up for me. Of course, no one else said anything. They just returned to their previous conversations without me. I looked around and waited half an hour with no one talking to me. So, I stood up and started to head for the door when everyone turned to look at me.

“Where do you think you’re going, Stiles?” Derek asked me. He had his threatening, I’m going to murder you, eyebrow cocked. If I had known this was all I had to do to get some attention from the pack, I would have stood up a while ago.

“Yeah c’mon Stilinski, I wasn’t being serious when I said you should leave. Don’t be a drama queen.” Jackson told me, rolling his eyes.

“It’s getting late and I have to make my dad dinner so I should head out.” I told them.

“I thought your dad worked late on Fridays?” Scott, ever innocent, asked me. I wanted to kill him for making this harder for me. 

“Yeah but I think I’m going to bring him some dinner at the station. He always complains about how hungry he gets. I haven’t done it before but I don’t know, I just feel like he deserves it.” I told the group. They seemed to nod in understanding before ignoring me. It’s cool I guess. Goodbyes are lame anyway. 

By the time I make it home, I’m tried and sad. I feel dumb for feeling so hurt. It’s not like they’re actually ignoring me. They’re just busy. Like my dad, seeing as he’s never around. 

Speaking of my dad, making him dinner doesn’t seem like such a bad idea now. If I’m hungry, dad must be starving. I quickly made two healthy ham and cheese sandwiches- no mayonnaise- and headed out. When I reached the station I waved a quick hello to Marsha, the front desk lady, and went into my dad’s office. 

I didn’t expect to see Ms. McCall already there with two empty take out boxes while kissing my dad.

“Oh God! This is so not a necessary part of my day Jesus!” I yelled while I covered my eyes. The two hastily separated from each other and looked at me with matching looks of horror.

“Stiles! What are you doing here? I thought you had movie night at Allison’s tonight!”

“I did but I went home early and thought I’d bring you dinner. Seems like you’ve already had that though. And dessert it would seem.” I said and winked suggestively. The two of them blushed like horny teenagers, “alright I’m leaving. Have fun you two. But not too much fun! I’m too old to be an older brother!”

“Stiles!” I heard my dad shout as I walked out of his office. I grinned cheekily as I passed Marsha and handed her one of the sandwiches, which she accepted gratefully.

I kept my smile on all the way home until I was in my room. It was only in that darkness that I realized how alone I really was. My pack didn’t need me, Scott didn’t need me, and even my dad didn’t need me anymore.

Stiles, stop.

I shook my head and walked to my bathroom and reached for my anti-depressants. I had started them when I was 11, when my mom died. I hadn’t needed them in a while but I guess I do now. I popped two of them and walked over to my bed, ready to fall asleep.

 

Don’t worry Stiles. Soon, you’ll be more powerful and important than all of them. They won’t hurt you anymore. They won’t be able to defeat you. After all, they’ll learn they can’t out-trick a fox.


	2. Almost like a Dream

Oh shit. Oh God. Finstock is going to have. My. Ass. For this. It’s really not my fault I’m an hour late for practice. See, I was in math and I couldn’t help but fall asleep! It’s really not my fault! I barely got any sleep last night after those weird nightmares and calculus is so boring. It’s not like I don’t already know it all.

And Mr. Stevens totally has it out for me. He’s like Harris on steroids and that’s saying something. And so, he didn’t think it was necessary to wake me up after school and now I’m so. Fucking. Late. To practice. Seriously, my legs are already burning from running across the school. And, after setting a new record for changing out time, I knew it was time to face the music.

“BILINSKI! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU MISSED AN HOUR OF PRACTICE? NOT TO MENTION, I DIDN’T HAVE ANYONE TO WARM MY BENCH! NOW LOOK AT IT! IT’S ALL COLD. YOU’LL HAVE TO WARM IT UP FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO SEE ANY OF THE FIELD! LAPS. NOW.” I winced and looked away from the sympathy of the team’s looks. I knew I probably wasn’t going to make first string anyway but having it reaffirmed hurt. Lacrosse was about the only thing I had left right now.

Coach had no right to take that from me. Who did he think he was? That he could just take something so important from me and not give me the chance to prove what I could do? No. No way.

“No, Coach.” Coach’s jaw dropped and everyone just stared at me. But I had my mind made up and I wasn’t going to change my mind now.  
“What was that Bilinski?” 

“I said no, Coach. I’m not just going to sit on the bench all year. I can do this and I can play first string and you’re going to give me the chance to prove it.” 

Scott looked like someone had told him Allison had died or something, his eyes were so wide. He just kept shaking his head like he couldn’t believe what was happening. Jackson, on the other hand, looked impressed. And Isaac looked like he didn’t care and would rather be anywhere else but here. 

“Oh am I now?” Coach crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, but I could tell he was surprised by my new found confidence. So was I.

“Yes.” Coach stared at me and something in me must have convinced him I was serious because he only sighed and dropped his arms.

“It’s your funeral. Go on defense. Move! Evans! Join him. Scott and Whittemore, you’re on offense. Danny get in goal. Stiles, if they score 3 goals in 3 minutes, your ass is on that bench. Less than three, you’re first string.” The rest of the team went to the sidelines to watch. 

“I’m sorry buddy.” Scott told me. I knew he’d try to go easy on me but he can’t make it obvious. I knew the odds were against me, but I also knew I was done being a benchwarmer. I wasn’t just the gangly kid who tripped over himself, I could do this.

“It’s alright man.” I assured him. Coach blew the whistle and chucked a ball towards Scott. Scott caught it with his wolf reflexes and turned and calculated the field.   
Evans was by my right and Scott was in front of me. He quickly charged towards Evans- completely going around me- and shouldered Evans so that he fell to the ground, not hard enough to hurt him, just enough to get past him.

He then charged at Danny, faked right and scored in the top left of the net.

17 seconds.

A few boys on the sides chuckled and coach looked smug. It seemed as though this is what everyone expected. They all ignored the fact that I couldn’t have done anything about it. 

Danny tossed the ball back up to Scott. I saw Scott look towards Evans and I knew he was going to charge him again. I wouldn’t let that happen this time. I charged at Scott and managed to catch him off guard.

He quickly passed to Jackson who took advantage of the hole I’d opened and swerved around Evans. I quickly backpedaled and stood between Jackson and the goal. He tried to fake me out but I quickly countered and blocked him. He seemed to shrug, and then charged at me. He hit my left shoulder and knocked me down. He charged at Danny, quickly scoring in the bottom left of the net.

On Danny’s part, it wasn’t his fault that the werewolves threw so fast, he couldn’t track the ball. No one could’ve.

1 minute 10 seconds.

Danny threw the ball up to Jackson and Jackson wasted no time in calculating the best course of action. He charged at Evans who, despite being knocked down twice already, stood his ground. Jackson seemed to realize this and passed to Scott.

Scott looked around and must have realized the only way he was going to reach that goal is if he went through me. I saw his acceptance and pity flash across his eyes and something in me snapped.

I didn’t need his pity. I knew I was the weakest member of the pack. That I was only human. But he didn’t need to look at me like I was some sort of puppy that he had to kick. I was still Stiles Stilinski. I didn’t need his help. Despite the pack seeing me as weak, I was strong. I didn’t let people get to me, no matter how hard they tried. I didn’t give up. Not after my mom died, not after I was tortured, and not now.

I saw Scott come running at me almost as if it was in slow motion. He charged full steam ahead, possibly hoping I would just move out of the way, knowing what was to come. But I stood my ground. I saw realization cross Scott’s face but it was too late for him to slow down.

I tipped down my left shoulder just in time for Scott to come charging into it, something in me kept me strong, steady. I saw Scott go flying over me, but I didn’t really feel it. It was more like I was watching it through glass, I knew what was happening, but I wasn’t really in control. It was almost like a dream.

Scott came down hard behind me and I heard something break, but I didn’t care. I was invincible. I took down Scott McCall, the big bad werewolf. And I was important, strong. I felt power coursing through my veins. It was dark, I wanted to do it again, prove I could. But coach and the team were already rushing on the field towards Scott.

“Jesus McCall, are you alright? I thought I heard something snap!” Scott groaned and rolled over, off his stomach, snapping his arm back in place as he did so- something only I would notice.

“I’m all good coach. It was just a hard hit. It’ll be fine.” And once it seemed that the precious Scott was alright, everyone turned their attention to me. Their looks ranged from surprised awe to disbelieve to, what was that? Fear? Respect? I’d never had anyone look at me with either of those before. I liked it. I loved it.

The timer around coach’s neck went off. 3 minutes. I did it, I was first string.

“Well I’ll be damned Stilinski, I never thought you could take a hit like that. I don’t, I don’t even know what that was. Jesus, is your shoulder even still intact? Well, you’d better play like that on the field Saturday because you’re first string. You’ve earned it.” Coach said. And something about his compliment snapped me out of my haze and I grinned lazily at the team.

“Coach, I think that was the first time you ever called me by my real name! Or, at least my real last name. Gosh, take me to dinner first.” The team chuckled and like that, the intense air dissipated all though, there was still a sense of wonder.

“Yeah yeah Bilinski. Don’t feel too special now, it was a onetime thing. Now, get to those laps. Don’t think I forgot you were late!” Coach told me, rolling his eyes. I rolled mine in response and took off down the track. 

I didn’t see the confused looks Scott, Jackson and Isaac sent my way. All I knew, is that I had never felt better in my entire life. And to think! All it took was beating down my best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, kind of a filler-ish chapter but mostly, just wanted to describe Stiles' mental and physical state right now. Also, the changes happening due to the nogitsune.   
> Let me know what y'all think. I love it!!!


	3. Stiles probably wouldn't even make the list

I looked around me at all my supposed friends. They were all seated in a semi-circle staring back at me. It felt as if I was on trial. No, scratch that, it felt like it was a circus, and I was the freak they were all trying to look at. For several minutes, no one said anything until finally, I composed myself enough to speak.

“You’re kicking me out of the pack?” I couldn’t help the shaking in my voice. It was all too real, and I had no idea how to handle myself in this situation. I knew they were sick of me, that I was an annoyance, but I never thought they’d kick me out of the pack. I was mostly useless but they could still use my research. Well, I suppose Lydia could do the research. But, I could still be the bait. I could be used to lure the creatures in and the pack wouldn’t even have to worry about me being hurt, because they wouldn’t care if I was. Wasn’t that enough for them? At the very least, wasn’t it practical to keep me around?

“Listen, Stiles. You’re of no use here. You’re obviously the weakest member of the pack and, you know what they say, you’re only as strong as your weakest link and we just can’t afford to have you around anymore.” Derek said. He seemed completely unaffected about kicking me out of the pack. Of course, I shouldn’t have expected anything different.

“Not to mention, you never shut up. I mean seriously, don’t you get tired of hearing yourself talk?” Jackson asked. Yes, I wanted to answer him. I get sick of hearing myself talk all the time, but I can’t help it. I have to fill the void, the gaps in conversation. I can’t just sit in silence, my ADD can’t handle it. I can’t handle not doing or saying something. I wish I didn’t have to, but I can’t help it. It’s not my fault.

“Also, I’m really sick of you always pining after me. I mean, c’mon Stiles, I’m already bonded to Jackson. Why can’t you realize we’re not meant to be?” Lydia chimed in, holding Jackson’s hand. I wanted to explain that I wasn’t pining after her. Not anymore. I had before but, I out grew that once I realized that she and I would never work. I saw the love between her and Jackson the night he was alive after the whole kanima incident. I saw what her love looked like and I knew she would never feel that for me and that I would never really love her like that either.

“No offense Stiles, but I want to be honest with you. And honestly, ever since I was turned, it’s like I’ve been dragging you into this supernatural world with me even though you don’t really belong here. And now, I’m done carrying your dead weight. This isn’t your world, and this isn’t your pack. It’s time for you to go.” Ouch. Scott, my best friend since birth, didn’t even want me here. And he’s right. I’ve been following after Scott, never questioning my presence in this pack. Now I know though, now I know that I don’t belong here. I never did.

 

I woke up gasping for air as if the life was being choked out of me. I quickly recognized the symptoms of a panic attack and curled up in a ball. I stared at my hands and tried to count my finger. One, two, three. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe! Four. Oh god, what comes after four? I can’t do this. I can’t do this. Five. Six. I exhaled a shaky breath and inhaled an equally unsteady breath. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. I breathed evenly before finally uncurling myself from my position.

I stared up at the ceiling and kept breathing. It was a dream. It was all a dream. No, it was a nightmare. Just a nightmare. I wasn’t actually kicked out of the pack. I wasn’t actually kicked out of the pack, right? The nightmare just felt so real. And even if it didn’t actually happen in real life, does that mean they were all wrong?  
I am the weakest link, and I talk a lot, and I know I’m annoying most times. Maybe, I don’t belong in the pack anymore.

I looked over at the clock next to my bed and saw the time was 6:55. Why hadn’t my alarm gone off for school? I stood up in a momentary panic before realizing it was a Saturday. That would explain the lack of alarm. But, if it was 6:55 why was it still slightly light outside? Normally, the sun doesn’t rise until 8 here.   
I reached for my phone and checked the clock. It was 6:55 p.m.? How is that possible? I know I went to sleep at 11 yesterday. There was no way I slept 19, almost 20 hours, right? That’s crazy. That’s impossible. And yet, here it was, almost 7 Saturday night. Wait, 7 on Saturday? I’m going to be late for the pack meeting!

I ran into the bathroom and turned on the fluorescent light. Looking in the mirror, I saw I had deep eye bags. How is that possible if I just slept 20 hours? I shook my head and reached for my pill bottles. I had missed my morning pills seeing as I slept through them so I should take them now. I might as well get the ones for tomorrow morning out of the way as well since I’ll probably sleep through them now. I took the double dosage of my ADD and depression meds. 

By the time I had made it downstairs I was still in my sweatpants and T-shirt which seemed to no longer fit me. Strange, they were my size two weeks ago but now they seemed incredibly baggy. I saw a note from my dad on the counter and quickly scanned over the words.

‘Stiles, I have to go into work and won’t be home until midnight. I was going to wake you when I left but you were really out of it. I guess you were really tired. I’ll see you tomorrow. Love, Dad.’

I threw the note away and rushed out the door as I was already late for the pack meeting. 

I sped the whole way to Derek’s apartment and made it in 20 minutes and rushed up to Derek’s loft.

“Sorry I’m late, I-” I cut off abruptly, seeing everyone already seated and talking. They seemed surprised by my entrance, as though they had forgotten I was even supposed to be there.

“Oh, Stiles, it seems you’ve decided to grace us with your company, however, we already discussed our new problem.”

“And not just about your clothes. Seriously Stiles, I get that you want to look bulkier, but buying larger clothes just makes you look pathetic and boney.” Erica said, flipping her hair over her shoulder while staring at me. I thought I might have seen a flash of concern cross her face as she stared at my skeletal frame, but it passed so quickly I must have imagined it.

“Right, I’ll keep that in mind. So what’s our new problem?” I asked the pack. They seemed to all stiffen in their seats as I brought it up.

“Well, the werewolves can all feel a certain,” Derek paused as if looking for the right wording to describe the feeling, “presence in the pack bond. One that doesn’t belong. I’ve spoken to Deaton and he says it’s possible that a supernatural being is preying on someone in the pack, trying to force their way into the pack bond. It may even be attempting to possess a pack member.”

As Derek was talking, I felt something icy in my veins. It was as though something was taking over my actions and covering my mind in a blanket. I could barely see through it and I had muddled control over my body and thoughts. My thoughts, seemed to be processing slowly towards conclusions. 

They’re talking about me. What if I’m the unwanted presence? What if they just think it’s a supernatural being but really, it’s just me, slowly being cut off from the pack? I’m the poison in the bond, they just don’t know it yet. It has to be me.

After the revelation, it was as though the cloudy, muddled feeling that had taken over me lifted. It must be my medication. Maybe I took too much and it was effecting my bodies functioning. 

“Stiles, are you okay?” Derek asked me, with something akin to concern on his face.

“Yeah I’m fine, you know me. A thousand thoughts flying through my brain and I’m just trying to process them all. So, you think something is trying to possess someone in the pack. Any idea of who it is?”

“Well that’s what we were talking about before you burst in here looking like a feral animal.” Isaac said, “We have to see who’s acting different or affected. It should be easy since everyone here knows each other so well.”

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped my throat and I felt Lydia hone her gaze on me.

“What’s so funny about that?” She asked me. Nothing, absolutely nothing. Except for the fact that no one here knows each other. We know each other through shallow ‘how are you’ and ‘did you kill the beast’ questions. We don’t really know each other. Or maybe, once again, it’s just me they don’t know. 

And they can’t know that I’m the one affecting the pack bond. I don’t want them to know that I’m the one who doesn’t belong here. I have to act normal. I have to act like my regular happy self.

Of course, if it’s an act, am I really normally happy?

“Oh nothing. I just think it’s kind of funny cause, c’mon, what are the odds that after everything that happened to us so far, most recently Jackson and the whole kanima thing, that now we have to worry about possession? I mean like actual possession? Not just the kanima type. And hey, if you’re being possessed, would you know you’re being possessed? Or would your consciousness just fade as another presence took over? It’s kind of an interesting concept because-”

“Alright! Sorry I asked.” Lydia said while rolling her eyes. It wasn’t the normal fond eye roll she gave me, it was one out of pure annoyance.

“Well, I guess we know Stiles is the same.” Allison said as a joke, to which Scott laughed loudly.

“I mean, out of all of us, Stiles is probably the last one that would be possessed. They’d probably want someone stronger, like a werewolf. Or smarter, like Lydia and Allison. Stiles probably wouldn’t even make the list.” Scott said. After it left his mouth however, his eyes seemed to widen comically, as if he couldn’t believe what he just said. I would have laughed at the look on his face if I wasn’t as hurt as I was. But I have to play it off, that’s what happy Stiles would do. So I laughed my pain away and watched as Scott seemed to relax.

“Yeah, I guess I don’t have to worry about this one. Anyway guys, I think it’d probably be smartest if soulmates checked with each other since they know each other best. And I guess Isaac and Derek because they don’t have… well, you know, soulmates yet.” Both Derek and Isaac growled deep in their throats and I held my hands up in surrender.

“Well guys this has been fun but I’m going to head out.” I told the pack.

“You’re skipping out early again?” Derek asked. It almost sounded as if he was offended and possibly hurt. But, I’d been imagining things all night so I’ll just add this to the list. 

“Well, you guys have to see if you can figure out who’s being preyed on and since I’m already ruled out, I’m going to go check with Deaton and see if he has any idea as to what type of creature could be preying on the pack and what signs we should look out for.” But mostly, I just wanted to know if he also suspected that it was because of me the pack was feeling this unease.

“Oh, alright. That sounds reasonable.” And like that, in an eerily parallel response as to what happened at the last pack meeting, everyone turned away from me and didn’t bother to say goodbye. I felt something in my heart tighten. As though an invisible hold was gripping it, claiming it as theirs.

If they didn’t need me then I didn’t need them either. Except that was a lie and I knew it. I needed them a lot more then they needed me. I better go talk to Deaton and see how long I have before the pack kicks me out.

If only I knew, I wouldn’t need the pack for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys, tell me what you think is happening in the story so far. Because, I have a plot in my head I just want to make sure I'm getting what I want to across and that I'm not confusing anyone.
> 
> Or, tell me if you like the story so far! I'd love to hear your feedback :)


	4. Ockham's Razor and all that

By the time I had reached Deaton’s, it was already pitch black dark outside. It was a lot darker than I had expected, considering it was only just past 8 o’clock. I parked my jeep and swung my long limbs out of the car and walked the short distance to the building. 

“Deaton? It’s me, Stiles. Open up.” I knocked on the door and waited anxiously for him to answer. There was no reason for me to feel nervous, but I could already feel the fear of rejection rising in my head.

What would I do if the pack found out I was the problem? Once they knew I was the one holding the pack back, they would have to kick me out; and then what would I have left?

Who would I have to talk to about dumb things and play video games with if Scott left me?

Who would I have to watch movies with if the pack kicked me out?

Who would I have to reluctantly care about if Derek stopped seeing me?

I’d have myself. Too bad that wouldn’t be enough. Maybe if I had my soulmate, it wouldn’t be as awful. But who could love me when it was already so clear that everyone in my life was bothered by me?

Deaton opened the door, cutting of my inner ramblings, and looked at me with confusion.

“Stiles, what is it? Is there an emergency?”

“No, nothing immediate. However, there seems to be some concerns raised by the pack regarding the pack bond. Do you think we could talk about it for a little while?” Deaton nodded and stepped back to allow me inside. As I entered the room, I noticed that things in the vet’s office had been moved around since the last time I had been inside. “Doing a little redecorating?”

“I had to rearrange the cages because the animals were acting very strange. It may just be a simple fluctuation in the weather, however I’m worried that there may be something more sinister bothering them.” Deaton gazed at the animals’ worriedly for a little while longer before turning to face me.

His eyes gave a cursory glance over my body and his mouth turned down slightly in a disappointed manner. That makes two of us, then. “Well, what is it that you wanted to know?”

“Right. It appears that the wolves in the pack have noticed a disturbance in the pack bond. They’re worried that something might be attempting to take over the bond, and if so, they’re not sure if that something is attacking the bonds themselves or singling out a single member of the pack. There’s even the idea being tossed around that someone is actually being possessed. That’s crazy, right? Like, there’s a chance that the disturbance felt in the pack bond could be totally natural, right?”

Deaton paused to consider what I had told him before responding, “If something is attempting to take over the pack, then it would make sense that it singles out a specific member. More often than not, it would probably pick the member that would most affect the entire group, someone who has influence over the members of the pack. If something had come to Beacon Hills, it would make sense that it would attack the Hale-McCall pack. It would also explain why the animals are acting strange.”

“But there’s a chance it’s still something simpler than that, right? Ockham’s Razor and all that? The simplest answer is almost always right?”

“Well, there is a chance that the discomfort felt is being caused by a member of the pack, in which case that member needs the support of their pack, or to be removed from the bonds all together. However, I think in this case, you should be more worried about the possibility of something nefarious.”

I nodded in agreement, but I was already backing out of the room. What Deaton didn’t understand was that I already knew I was the one causing the problem. And if I had started this mess, then that meant I could be the one to fix it. Maybe, I wouldn’t have to be kicked out of the pack at all! Maybe, I could make everything all right again if I just tried a little harder.

As I passed by the cat cages, they all hissed at me when I got near them. I turned to look at Deaton in confusion, but his expression mirrored the same puzzled one I held on my own. I shrugged in reply, and walked out the door. 

“Thanks for the help!” I shouted behind me, but the door had already closed.

As I drove home, I realized I should probably update the pack on what I had learned. I called Scott but unsurprisingly it went straight to voicemail. With only a slight hesitation, I punched in Derek’s number, and waited for him to pick up.

On the third ring, he gruffly answered, “Stiles? What is it, is there something wrong?”

“Well hello to you too, sourwolf. Nothing’s wrong, I just left Deaton’s. He told me that there’s a possibility of something trying to infiltrate the pack bonds, but I don’t think we should worry about it. He said that it could also be natural discomfort in the pack bonds which could easily resolve. Personally, I think we should wait to see how the situation develops before doing anything drastic.”

Derek sighed into the phone, and managed to convey an entire response along with it.

“I know, I know, you wanted another big bad to fight. Unfortunately, I think you’re going to have to accept that not every evil monster out there is out to get us,” I heard a round of laughter through the phone and remembered that the pack night was still going on without me, “well, that’s everything I had to say. I guess I should let you get back to it.”

“Stiles, wait,” I paused in my action to hang up the phone, “I- uh, we we’re thinking that you could still come back. We only just started the movie and Jackson and Scott haven’t eaten all of the ten bags of popcorn we made so you could. Come back, that is.”

I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I didn’t know how much more hurt I could take; watching everyone else be happy while I felt like an outsider.

“I don’t know Derek. I’m tired and-,” I heard a low whine through the receiver and almost dropped the phone in shock. Had that come from Derek? I felt a spark of hope and felt myself truly smiling for the first time in a long time, “I guess I could come back. Only for one movie though.”

“I’ll tell the pack.” And with that, Derek hung up. I wasn’t even upset like I would normally be. I was on cloud nine and no hang up could bring me down.

By the time I walked into Derek’s loft for the second time that night, I was surprised to find myself welcomed. There was a spot open on the couch between Isaac and Derek and I quietly settled myself between the two of them.

Derek handed me a bowl of popcorn, and I quickly ate a bite to hide my blush.

“We’re glad you came back.” Isaac whispered into my ear, and the surrounding wolves that could hear all lightly nodded their heads in agreement.

That night I fell asleep surrounded by my pack. I was so deeply asleep that I didn’t notice when the movie ended, or when someone picked me up and took me home to tuck me in.

I did notice when I woke up alone with nothing but nightmares of wolves and foxes running through my head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow guys! I actually updated this fic. I didn't think I was ever going to, but I recently got back into the Sterek fandom and felt the need to complete this. 
> 
> What did you guys think? Should I keep going or let the fic die? Did you like this chapter and where the story is going?
> 
> Let me know, cause if you hadn't kept liking this fic and commenting, I probably would've never updated.
> 
> Love you all! ~N


	5. It's more of a daily thing

If I was being honest with myself, I was getting tired of always feeling lonely all the time. It was surprisingly exhausting to be alone. I had never felt more exhausted than on the days when I did nothing but lay in bed all day and wait for someone to text me. They never did though.

It was a Saturday morning and I had no one to hang out with or any place to go. I had heard my dad leave a couple of hours earlier, and since then I hadn’t felt the need to move or eat. I was content to just lie in bed, encompassed by my sadness.

It felt like rock bottom. Maybe it was; maybe it’d get worse. I knew I should take my depression meds, but I couldn’t find the energy to take them. I could text Scott to ask him to come over, but that would feel almost worse than having no one reach out at all. It felt too desperate and needy, and more than that, I just wanted to feel wanted. 

I wasn’t though. And that was okay. Since the pack night last Sunday, I hadn’t really seen much of everyone. I skipped out on eating at the cafeteria because I didn’t want to bring myself to have to eat with all of them and participate in conversations that didn’t really include me. 

I told them all I had homework to do, and barricaded myself in the library. They had seemed offended, but I think it was more that they always just expected me to be around rather than them actually feeling hurt that I wasn’t spending time with them. 

Scott had turned to face me with his brows furrowed, “What homework do you have to do? Didn’t you skip out on dinner with your dad and my mom on Tuesday because you had to study? Shouldn’t you be done by now?”

“Well, that’s the thing about homework Scotty. It’s more of a daily thing rather than a weekly thing. I have to keep up with it in case of the next supernatural emergency.”

Scott nodded in understanding, but I could tell he hadn’t completely believed me, so I threw in an extra, “But don’t worry Scotty. It’s probably for the best that I’m so busy right now, otherwise you’d get sick of me really fast.”

Scott laughed off my joke, and I didn’t have the heart to tell him I kind of meant it. I wanted him to disagree with me, and to tell me otherwise. But he didn’t, and I had to accept that.

The only time I truly felt in control was during lacrosse practice. It seemed almost every practice that I was getting faster, and stronger. I could almost keep up with the wolves at this point, and everyone was surprised by my progress. 

“Stilinski! Nice throw! I don’t know how you got that past Danny, but make sure you keep doing that!” Coach shouted at me while I played on the field. He was proud of me, which was a new emotion for him to express towards me. I had even heard him mutter about how good of a coach he was. 

The rest of the team had also changed their attitudes towards me. The treated me in the hallways with respect, which was something new. Although I was losing weight at an alarming rate, I also noticed that I had gained something of a muscular build. It seemed that I was functioning off of next to nothing, but still managing to gain strength.

It was a strange feeling, but more girls had noticed me, and I’d even caught a few compromising glances from a few guys in the hall. Even though I had never felt worse, it seemed that everyone else had perceived a new-found confidence in me.

I took advantage of it. On Wednesday when I was paired up with a girl in my science class to work on a project, I found it increasingly easy to convince her to do what I wanted. Instead of carrying the group project on my back like I always did, all it took was a couple of well-timed compliments and she was putty in my hands.

I didn’t even have to try anymore. When I turned in an essay late to Mr. Steven’s of all people, all I had to do was pretend that my father had been in a near death accident the night before. Even Stevens didn’t want to challenge the authority of the police chief’s son.

It seemed I was getting better at persuading people to do what I wanted. After lacrosse practice on Friday, where I had scored against Isaac without much effort, I was approached by Evans, who had played on my team when I tried out for first string.

“Yo, Stilinksi,” Evans, whose first name was Aaron, called out to me, “I’m throwing a sick party Saturday night. You should come, dude.”

I was a little surprised by the invitation, as Aaron and I had never been friends before. However, I knew deep down that I had asserted myself into a position of power in the team, and the Aaron was responding as such. In a way, the team was a pack itself, and I was rising in the ranks.

“Hey man,” I paused, to appear to think over my answer, “I’m pretty busy Saturday night, but I’ll see if I can stop by. Text me your address.” 

I gave him my number and walked away without another word, and felt a smirk form on my face. This is what I had always wanted. I had finally gained the respect of my peers, but in a way, it felt hollow. I still didn’t have the mutual respect of the ones I cared about most, and that stung deep. But, it stung less and less every day.

And that was how I found myself lying in bed on Saturday morning with no plans except the possibility of a party later. I glanced at the clock again and saw that it was 2 in the afternoon. I sighed deeply and climbed out of bed to take my pills and prepare for the night. 

The hours before the party passed in a blur, and I found myself staring at the address on my phone at a quarter till 11. The party had officially started at 10, but I knew as well as anyone that it was important to let the party fill out before showing up.

By the time I got there, the party was in full swing. I had to park my car a street over, but I was grateful for the few extra minutes I had gained from the walk. 

I knocked on the front door and it swung open to Aaron who looked slightly shocked to see me, but also pleased. “Hey Stiles! I’m glad you decided to come. The drinks are in the kitchen, through the living room. Feel free to help yourself.”

I nodded in response and headed towards the kitchen. I found that the less I said, the more people respected my speech. It seemed Derek was on to something after all.

Derek. As soon as I thought about him, I felt a little shock straight in my gut. I’d almost forgotten that I hadn’t seen or talked to him in a week. Although I hadn’t had anything to drink yet, I felt instantly sobered.

What was I doing at a party where I didn’t really know or care about anyone here? 

I suddenly felt very out of character, and the world swayed in response. 

I pressed against a nearby wall in an attempt to steady myself, but I still felt uneasy. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say that I almost felt drugged. But I hadn’t had anything to drink, so I knew it wasn’t that. Maybe I had taken too much of my medication, but I had taken the standard dosage and had never felt this effect before.

I looked towards the door with the intent to leave when I saw the high-school aged members of the pack walk in. 

They hadn’t invited me. 

I no longer felt sick to my stomach, but instead felt a bubbling rage fill the void. 

I made eye contact with Lydia across the room, whose eyes widened at the sight of me. The heat of my gaze made her shrink back in shock and I saw her whisper something to Jackson. The eyes of the pack all turned to look at me at the same time, and I stared back defiantly.

I was hurt, but I wouldn’t let them see that. Instead, I squared my shoulders and headed for the kitchen. If they didn’t want me around, then that was fine. I’d show them just what they were missing.

I downed a shot the second I reached the counter, and filled a red solo cup with a mix of vodka and soda. Anger flooded my system as I walked back out into the living room and up to the first girl I saw.

Her name was Samantha, and I recognized her from a history class I’d shared with her last year. She looked at me with obvious surprise, but then her lips curled into a smile and I knew she was mine. 

It only took a little convincing before she and I were dancing in the center of the room. She started to grind on me and I felt a dark pleasure in the fact that she wanted to please me. I looked up and noticed Scott was staring directly at me with a disappointed look in his eyes.

I smirked and winked at him, which got him to look away. I had easily won the dominance battle against an alpha wolf, and he hadn’t even noticed. 

I roughly grabbed Samantha’s hips and she moaned in appreciation, which gained a couple of glances from the other grinding couples around us.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder and I found myself face to face with Lydia. 

She looked beautiful with her hair flowing behind her, and an obvious power was conveyed in her stance.

“Can I help you?” I asked her. She raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at Samantha, who took the hint and told me she was going to grab a drink, before she headed off the dance floor.

“What do you think you’re doing Stiles?” Lydia held an accusation in her voice, though of what I wasn’t sure.

“I’m pretty sure I was dancing. Do you have a problem with that?” Lydia looked slightly offended, but it didn’t slow her down.

“Yeah, I do have a problem with that. You’ve been ditching us all week saying that you were busy, and then we turn up at this party and here you are. You didn’t even tell us you were coming, and then instead of coming to talk to us, we had to watch you dance with some random girl all night. You two were practically dry humping in the middle of the room and you didn’t even care! It’s not like you.”

I stared at her in shock for a second before snapping back into focus. 

“I don’t know if you noticed, Lydia, but my life doesn’t revolve around you. I came to this party tonight because Aaron invited me. You guys didn’t even tell me you were coming. And, as for Samantha, I didn’t realize I had to ask your approval before hitting on a girl. Or before even dancing with her, which is what everyone else here was doing! So, don’t go accusing me of things I didn’t even do.” 

I turned and walked away from Lydia, knowing that I had reacted more harshly then I had intended. I also knew full well that the rest of the wolves were listening. I needed more alcohol.

After finished my drink, I headed back into the kitchen to down another beer. When I went to grab another one, I brushed hands against someone, and I looked into the startled eyes of Aaron. 

“Oh, hey Stiles. Didn’t mean to steal this one from you. It’s all yours.” He handed me the beer, but I didn’t life my hand off of his. Aaron seemed surprised, but didn’t move his hand away. I slowly took the drink, and proceeded to down it. I watched Aaron’s eyes travel the length of my Adam’s apple as it bobbed while I chugged the drink.

“So how’s your night going Aaron?” He shrugged, before finally lifting his eyes from my neck to my eyes. His face was flushed a deep red, and I took pleasure in knowing I had caused his reaction.

“It’s going pretty well. Everyone saw you and Samantha dancing tough. It was hot.” He confessed to me, and I gave a half smirk.

“Yeah? Didn’t mean to bother you. If you’re into Samantha, I didn’t mean to steal her from you. She’s all yours.” I echoed his words from earlier.

“It wasn’t Samantha I thought was hot.” I looked at Aaron and really looked at him for the first time. 

He was tall, taller than me by at least an inch. His brown hair was in need of a trim, but it looked soft and it matched the brown of his eyes. He had an easy smile that would’ve made anyone’s heart melt. I may have even liked him, if I could feel any emotion other than anger and the need to unleash my pent-up frustrations.

“What do you say we head upstairs?” I asked him. I don’t know where I found the confidence to ask him, but I felt sure of his answer. When he nodded, I grabbed his hand and walked him out of the kitchen. We passed by everyone in the living room, and more than a few people noticed.

When I walked past the pack, I noticed their obvious discomfort, but they remained silent. Aaron and I had just reached a room before I closed the door and lunged for his lips.

To Aaron’s credit, he rolled with my suddenness and responded immediately in kind. He pushed me towards the bed and I allowed him to maneuver me. He quickly straddled my waist and pressed warm open kisses against my neck.

Something didn’t feel right.

Everything Aaron was doing should’ve sent pleasure straight to my body, but instead I felt suffocated by his kisses. 

He went to take off my shirt, but I pulled his hands away. He looked at me in confusion, but I simply grinded up into his lap and Aaron shrugged before continuing to kiss me.

His hands slid under my shirt again, this time without the intent to remove my shirt, and I felt a rising sense of alarm. Finally, his hand brushed against the edge of my soul mark and I jolted. 

This wasn’t what I wanted. 

I stood up and tossed Aaron aside. I felt bad for treating him the way I did, but the sudden sense of panic I felt overwhelmed me.

“What’s wrong? What did I do?” Aaron seemed desperate to know, but all I could do was shake my head and rush back downstairs.

I made it outside and started dry heaving by the side of the road. I felt someone step up beside me, and I saw out of the corner of my eye that it was Allison.

“Stiles? What’s wrong? Did you drink too much?” She rubbed my back soothingly and I immediately felt calmer. My knees shook as I felt disgusted by the show I had put on back in the bedroom. 

Soon, Scott came rushing out to find out what had happened.

“Stiles, what did Aaron do? Are you okay? Do I need to go back in there and kill him?” I shook my head, and retched when I attempted to speak. I felt tears swelling in the corner of my eyes.

“We should call Derek,” Allison told Scott, who nodded and moved a couple of feet away to make the call, “you’ll be okay Stiles. It’ll all be okay.”

Allison stayed with me until Derek’s Porsche pulled up in front of the house. He quickly got out of the car and ran over to where I was.

“Scott filled me in for the most part, but I need to know what you took Stiles. Did you talk any drugs? Did you mix anything with the alcohol?”

I went to shake my head when a realization crossed my mind. My depression pills. They weren’t supposed to be mixed with alcohol. I nodded my head and looked up at Derek. He seemed deeply worried, and the stress lines that he had creased with use. 

“We need to get you to my loft so I can help you. Come on.” He helped me into the passenger side of his car before pausing to say something to Scott and Allison. They nodded in agreement, and Derek rushed to get back into the car and take me home.

The ride was quiet, as I felt far too sick to speak. Derek, who was never much of a talker, also remained silent. I pressed my head against the cool passenger side glass, and Derek clutched lightly at the back of my neck.

It was comforting in a way I hadn’t expected, and I eased into his touch. When we reached his loft, Derek led me up to his bedroom, where he had me lie down, all while maintaining contact.

“Why did you do this Stiles? You knew better than to mix pills with alcohol. Hell, you knew better than to get yourself in this situation! You’re smarter than that. So much smarter.”

I hung my head in shame. “I know. I just wasn’t thinking. All I wanted was to have some non-supernatural fun for once. Leave it to me to go and screw everything up.” Derek furrowed a brow at that and I huffed in amusement, “If you do that too much, your eyebrows are going to get stuck like that.”

Derek laughed in response, and flashed his bright teeth. I hadn’t noticed before how nice his smile was. I was about to tell him when I felt myself start shaking violently by no control of my own.

“Your body is reacting to the chemicals in your body. I’m going to take away your pain if that’s alright with you.” I nodded in agreement, willing to do anything to get the pain to go away. “I need to take off your shirt, so we have more contact for me to take more pain away, okay?”

I nodded again, and Derek managed to gently tug my shirt off of my body. I was practically in the same position I was a mere hour ago with Aaron. Except this time, my body was freaking out instead of my mind. 

Also, this time, it felt good to have Derek’s hands on my body. Maybe it was just because they were taking away my pain, but warmth seemed to emanate from his hands straight to my core.

It felt like he was healing part of the loneliness that I had been feeling emotionionally, along with the pain I’d felt from my medication. It felt like he was taking away some of the evil that had surrounded me the past couple weeks.

When his hand brushed against my soul mark, I shivered in delight, though it was well disguised as an aftershock of the reaction I’d been having earlier. 

I huddled closer into the warmth of Derek, and I could’ve sworn I felt him shiver slightly as well. 

I still felt violently sick, but Derek’s healing helped calm that, while his simple presence seemed to calm the inner turmoil I’d been feeling.

The fox had been outsmarted this time. But not for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big chapter!!! I started writing this one and didn't stop. I know a lot happened but I hope you guys liked it, I felt very inspired. I'm happy you all like the story and want me to finish. So, tell me, more angst? Less angst? or was it just the right amount?   
> How are y'all feeling about Sterek?
> 
> Love you all! ~N

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think! ~N


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